Here is the one remark that sends adoptive parents straight to the moon:

“I could never love a child that was not my own”.

And other variations of the same ignorant line:

“Do you have any children of your own”?

“Can’t you have your own kids”?

“If you adopt a kid, then maybe you will have one of your own”.

And so on.

Listening to this stuff makes our collective adoptive parent  heads split open and our brains jump out.

Here is the deal:

Every kid we parent is our own. The ones we adopted, the ones we gave birth to, the ones who look like us and the ones who don’t (lucky them). They are all our own children.

They may have come to us in different ways, but once they get here, they are all OURS. Our own kids.

And when you look down your nose at us and say you couldn’t love a kid that was not biologically related to you, you imply that our kids who are adopted are less lovable, less wonderful and less valuable  than your imaginary, perfect mini me.  Which is completely false. And if you should protest and say “Hey, I am just expressing instrinsic doubt in my inherent ability to create a parent bond with a non related child person!”, it is still an ugly and hurtful thing to say, whether that is your intent or not.

When you say that you couldn’t love a child who wasn’t your own, it means that you think you can only love a kid who shares your genes. Right? OK, so then how did you meet, fall in love, and partner with someone who isn’t related to you? Someone who (hopefully) comes from a completely different gene pool?  With that kind of logic, you are saying you could only marry a 7 1/2 pound clone of yourself.  I mean, please.

(Kudos to Elizabeth Bartholet for coining the term).

That isn’t to say adoption is exactly like giving birth, there are clearly differences.

(Having to deal with the above stupid remark is one of them).

But those differences make up just a small part of the raising kids extravaganza. The poopy diapers, endless colic, runny noses, wearing braces, writing ten page reports in one night, breaking up with their girlfriend/boyfriend, staying up all night texting, going off to college and forgetting to call home – that is all exactly the same.

You know that classic mean kid trick where the older sibling tells the younger one, “Guess what? You’re adopted!” and the little guy goes crying to his mom?  The amazing truth is, according to the Bible, we are all adopted.

“Before the world was made, He chose us, chose us in Christ, to be holy and spotless, and to live through love in His presence, determining that we should become his adopted sons and daughters through Jesus Christ.”  Ephesians 1:4-5.

Good thing we don’t  have to worry about God ever saying “I could never love a child that wasn’t my own”.