I believe in a very succinct philosophy of adoption. It is simply this:

Everybody deserves to be somebody’s child.

That’s it.

Everyone should be someone’s son or daughter.

A decades old running argument exists about who should adopt whom. Do you have to be married or can you be single? If so, single male or female? Should people adopt children of another race?  Another religion? Should you only adopt from your own country or can you go abroad? Can both straight and gay people adopt? How much money should you have and how big a house? How long do we wait until the exact perfect parental match shows up?

Until every child who needs a family, has a family, discussing what kind of particular parents are suitable for what group of specific children is rather superfluous, don’t you think? 

Every US state and foreign country has rules for preadoptive parents concerning age, religion, married or single, racialy compatible, straight or gay – even how many divorces they can have. Some countries have weight limits. (I am not kidding). However, there are 115,000 kids in the US foster care system who need a family. Right now. Today. And world wide there is an estimate of 18 million kids who have lost both parents and are in need of a home.

(In this orphanage, a child drew a picture of a mother and laid down to snuggle in her arms).

Why are we even having this discussion, anyway?

When I was young, my parents divorced and my brothers and I ended up living with my father because my mother was out of the picture. Some people were shocked by this and felt my single dad had no business raising four children by himself. We turned out fine.  Then I grew up and got married, gave birth to a son and then we adopted a baby. This child has ancestors from different continents than ours.  Some felt a Caucasian couple had no business raising a child of another race. We couldn’t possibly understand what it was like and we were robbing him of his culture and identity. Then Barack Obama was elected president and that discussion went away. And my son turned out fine. Today there is a discussion about whether gay parents should be adopting children. Twenty five years ago when the AIDS epidemic hit, there were many (and still are) HIV infected babies who no one would take.  Gay singles and couples stepped up and offered their homes. And their kids turned out fine, many of them went into remission thanks to early and aggressive intervention of the disease. (Not to mention the love of a doting parent or two).

Please don’t mistake what I am saying. Obviously, all adoptions should be evaluated on a case by case basis to make sure kids are being placed in homes that meet their needs.  That is a no brainer. What I am saying is we cannot exclude qualified people  (single parents, interracial families, gay people) on that basis alone. There are simply too many kids who need homes and would prefer real parents who don’t look like them to living in an orphanage or  a new foster home every year. They want to belong to someone. KIds with health problems or learning challenges living in substandard situations cannot afford to wait for perfect June and Ward Cleever homes.

Besides, perfection is really for the next life, isn’t it?

And yes, I do think having both a mom and dad is great. And two sets of grandparents. And a puppy.  But we don’t get everything in life, so whatever family configuration you have, make it the most loving, functional supportive family possible – and celebrate what you got.

If parents were only qualified to raise children just like ourselves, I would have to give back my two sons.  Because guys (and this includes all men in the universe):  I don’t get you.  I don’t understand the way you think, the way you act, your unnatural attraction to anything that is loud with a motor, your love of dirt, grime, sweat, and large explosions. Your love of competition. Why do you want to bang into each other all the time? Yes, I am stereotyping all over the place, but even you males who are less noisy and have a softer side, I probably still don’t get you either.

Doesn’t matter!  Being a parent/mother is about loving, nurturing, supporting, moulding and (metaphorically) whipping a kid into shape. Special emphasis on the last verb. I don’t have to understand my sons, my job is to parent them. Besides, they will probably end up marrying women who don’t get them either.

People, being a parent does not involve a xerox machine!  We are capable of loving and nurturing those who are (thankfully) not carbon copies of ourselves. If this were not so, I would only be qualified to mother a INFJ female with pilgrim ancestors, creates art, cries at commercials, feels she was born in the wrong century and has an unnatural attraction to black shoes (probably explained by the Mayflower connection).

I am not advocating for any special group of potential adopters or trying to be politically correct: just saying we don’t have time for the luxury of the conversation. The need for parents to step up is overwhelming.

When every kid who needs a home, has a home, then we can talk.